A Relationship That Lasts A Lifetime
It was late. I was tired. All I wanted was to collapse into bed but then I saw my nemesis: a pile of freshly washed clothes I’d dumped there earlier, still waiting for their final destination in the wardrobe.
With a sigh, I scooped them up and set them on the floor beside the bed. I’ll do that tomorrow, I told myself.
But then a strange thought popped into my mind:
What if I had a partner who said the same thing?
“Oh, Emma can just do that tomorrow.”
Oof.
How would I feel if someone consistently left little tasks behind for me to pick up later? Probably unvalued. Unseen. Uncared for. Why should I be the one to deal with it tomorrow, when they could take two minutes to do it today? Why wouldn’t they want me to start my day in a space that feels calm and clear?
Fueled by this mini internal debate with an imaginary, mildly infuriating partner, I started putting the clothes away. Two minutes later, everything was neatly in its place. I climbed into bed, not just relieved, but grateful. Grateful that I had chosen not to carry something unnecessary into tomorrow. That I had done a small, kind thing for my future self. That I had shown her that she matters.
We often talk about self-respect, but it’s usually in terms of how we carry ourselves so that others will treat us well. What if we peeled that back a layer?
What if self-respect wasn’t about others at all?
What if it was about how we carry ourselves, for our own sake?
What if it was about how we show up for ourselves in the quiet, hidden moments no one else sees?
When it’s just you and you, will you still choose to care?
Will you be the kind of partner to yourself that you’d want someone else to be?
The longest relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
So ask yourself:
Do I speak to myself with kindness?
Do I give myself grace?
Can I notice without judgment?
Forgive freely?
Encourage gently?
Care consistently?
Offer patience?
There’s a bible scripture [Mark 12:31] that says:
“Love your neighbour as yourself.”
We often quote this as a call to care for others, yet we overlook an essential part of the verse: this kind of love starts with how we love ourselves.
The way we treat ourselves sets the tone for how we love the people around us. When we practice compassion inwardly, we have more of it to give outwardly. When we neglect ourselves, we often seek that love externally; waiting to receive before we can give.
What if you were your own safe place, your own biggest supporter, encourager, and friend?
Because the truth is: the world doesn’t need more people seeking love.
It needs more people who already know they are loved and who can live from that place.
Here are five questions that you can use to reflect, and nurture this kind of self-respect:
What would it look like to treat myself as kindly as I treat the people I care about?
How do I speak to myself when I make mistakes? What would a loving inner voice say instead?
Where in my life am I saying “yes” when I really want to say “no”?
Who in my life models self-respect well, and what can I learn from them?
What’s one thing I can do this week that says “I matter” to myself?